just wonderin' ...

I'm wondering why my entries/posts are always very lengthy .... I should try to write shorter ones ...

Noh?

FROZEN COLD!

Dedicated to those who have been taught that entrepreneurship is the answer to the escalating problem of poverty … Is it?

This is my response to a letter I recently read from the Academy's blog. In that letter, the following questions were raised and were addressed to me and to more than one thousand others, the alumni of the Academy for Creating Enterprise.

Thank you for the thought-provoking questions. It propelled me to reflect on myself as a person and as an entrepreneur.

Why am I still an employee until now? Why haven’t I started my business yet? What’s keeping me from “firing”? Is it the lack of capital? Is it because of fear? If it is fear, fear of what? Is it the absence of a good business idea or opportunity? Was I not taught enough?

Those were tough questions to answer! As i contemplated on my answers to the questions raised, a floodgate of more questions opened ... questions like ...

Have you ever been in a situation where you know something needs to be done, you know you need to do it soon enough (if not fast enough), you know nobody else can do it for you but you yourself? Yet you come to realize you’re stuck, you can not seem to move, and the reason is simple: because you don't know where to begin, or how to begin!

I have been in such a situation, for quite some time now. I still was, up until a few weeks ago…

Why? What happened?

To answer the questions above, I had to ask myself three more follow up questions: Who am I? What kind of a person am I? Will the answers to these two questions show why I was in that vacuum for a long time? Let’s see …

A famous author named John C. Maxwell said that “Attitude Determines Latitude.” It simply means to succeed in life; one has to have the “right” attitude, because the “right attitude” is the difference maker!

The same author said that we must not be afraid to fail. He said that to succeed, one must learn how to “fail forward”. In the Academy we refer to our expected losses in business as “tuition fee”, a failure that is not really welcome but at times a great tool in learning.

It would be safe to say at this point that I have cultivated in myself the “right” attitude! I am an optimist, I always see opportunities in problems, and I try everyday to maintain my proactive nature.

Books written by great authors, I have aplenty… Books that motivate and inspire, books that teach and books that show how … I have a private library full of them! And I have read them all, not just once or twice, for I have even made presentations on all of them for the seminars and workshops that I conduct.

Academic qualifications is not also a problem. Recognized as a specialist in the field of business, I make a living out of sharing this knowledge to others.

Exposure to industry, I have ample experience, more than enough to give me confidence in my capabilities.

Support system, very extraordinary! Very supportive family and friends.

Network, amazing! I know the right people who are in the right places.

Yet, there I was, for the longest time, unable to really and completely “take the leap of faith” and join the bandwagon of the new and improved lds entrepreneurs, those of us who have been blessed enough to have been given the chance to be taught and trained in an institution wholly dedicated to improving the lives of the Filipino Saints thru entrepreneurship, the Academy.

Why? That one question seems to be THE million dollar question!

Reflecting on it, I came to realize that it was not the lack of knowledge that pegged me to inaction. It was something else.

Thinking about it, a lot of reasons began emerging. I hope as I enumerate them here, I will finally be able to point to THE main reason… I beg for your indulgence as I bring you along to journey with me in finding out where I failed … Because it has been said, and I know this to be true, that when we find the real problem, we are halfway towards finding the solution for it.

Why haven’t I taken the leap of faith? Why haven’t I “fired”?

1. I hanged on to employment because with it I felt financially secure. I wanted the security of receiving a pay check at month’s end for obvious reasons. So I had a part-time job as college instructor, a full-time/8-hour-job as Assistant to an Administrator, a consultancy with public offices as well as private entities, and a few other engagements that brought in money. And to think I only have 24 hours a day …

2. I loved my profession. I gave it all: my heart, might, mind, and strength. I belonged to an organization that I loved. I valued what I was doing there. For these reasons I did my best, gave my best. I gave of myself, my time, my talents, anything that I can offer in the spirit of service. I would be a hypocrite if I will say I was not hoping to be reciprocated. I wanted to be part of the organization full time. However, I came to realize that it was not a mutual thing. For whatever reason beyond my understanding, they did not want me in the manner I was hoping they would. With a sad heart and a hurting ego, I left. I said to myself that if I was not good enough as full time, then I might as well stop as part time.

When I did, it felt like I’ve lost everything that I’ve worked for, everything that I’ve really wanted, the very thing that I prayed for.

I lost the people I thought were my friends. I was true to them. I gave them a part of me.

I lost the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of my students in that school.

And sadly, I lost a part of me too!

They say our enemies stab us from behind. Well, my so called “friends” stabbed me in front!

3. My daily routine made me a prisoner or a rat in a rat race. The moment I woke up to the time I was ready for bed, all I did were the usual daily chores: my tasks at home and at work. I felt there was simply no time for other things … not just yet somehow … maybe later? Someone once said I was spreading myself too thinly! I guess that was a good observation, and it was true! I was doing so many things all at the same time.

4. I dedicated myself into becoming good (if not excellent) in what I did. I suppose there’s nothing wrong with that. However, I came to realize that doing so many things all at the same time made me a “generalist” rather that a “specialist”. I was jack of all trades, master of none. I was a management graduate with an MBA and will soon earn a doctorate degree in education. Three different fields of specialization in a very limited (in terms of opportunity) and hostile working environment (in terms of competition and workplace politics).

5. I have very limited resources. This is an overused statement or reason voiced by many would-be, struggling, and stuck-up entrepreneurs as the primary reason for inaction or the inability to start and fire.

Many would say however that this is the easiest problem to resolve. Rules of Thumb such as Think Big, Start Small and the principle behind the lemonade stand are often used to counter this wrong line of thinking. I have heard people say that an excellent business idea/concept, backed by a reliable feasibility study, can always attract investors. True.

But allow me to say a little more on this subject matter.

I believe that everything that happens to us happens for a reason. In my personal life and in my relationship with my husband, I have found rich evidences that these experiences, these happenings in our lives, are actually given for us to become better persons, for others.

Why haven’t I started yet my businesses?

For example, one of my dreams is to be able to open a training school for domestic helpers going abroad. Another is to open a pre school. Why is it that until now, these two still remains a dream?

My answer today would be …I don’t have the money to finance these businesses that I really love and believe in.

There it is again, the lack of capital.

And so you say …” if the business idea is good enough, then capitalization is not really a problem …”

Let me tell you this:

I know that these businesses, if I can bring them into reality, will be something to reckon with. My brain is overflowing with plans on how to enhance, how to differentiate, etc., etc., I can even see it already ... smell it. I can not wait to start. I already have a business plan. I made a feasibility study on these already.


So, tell me now, where will I get the 400 thousand I would need so I can start by June of next year? I don’t have properties that I can use as collateral for a loan. Besides, I have been taught that getting a loan is good only if one is expanding.

You would probably say: “find an investor”. Would you be interested? Will you invest in my business? Consider my background, my capabilities … Do you and will you trust me?

Then you would probably say: “find a relative who would be willing to lend you money”. Well, everybody is hard up these days. My relatives are also having financial difficulties. We’re practically on the same boat.

What else can I do? Do I have other options? You tell me now …


I believe the Lord has allowed that my husband and I experience financial challenges just like the majority of the members of the church, so that we will be in a much better position to help others who are in the same situation. But first we have to help ourselves.

If I, with all my knowledge, training, exposure, talents, attitude, network, experience, and skills, am having a very difficult time ‘FIRING!” how much more the others?

So to answer the question what kept me from “doing”?

BECAUSE OF FEAR!

I came to realize it was primarily because of fear. Fear of not having enough. And instead of trusting God to provide me with the things that I need, I trusted myself. I did not allow God to work miracles in my life; I relied on my own strength, my own decisions, my own talent and skills. I forgot about God’s promise to the faithful. My faith dwindled, and I was not conscious about it.

It was when I re-read the Book of Mormon Stories (the bed time story edition) that I found THE answer. As I read the stories (they were written just like all the bedtime stories we know … the reader’s imagination is brought to the actual events and one feels like one is actually there when the events happened … ) to my family during FHE’s and before I went to bed, I was reminded by God of the simplest of things … His commandments.

It is only when we follow the commandments of God, when we live righteously, that He fulfills his promise, of blessing us abundantly, that “there would not be enough room to receive it”. Just like the Nephites of old, we have to live righteously so that we will reap the blessings of abundance and prosperity.

Entrepreneurship, just like employment, is one of the many ways with which we can elevate ourselves from poverty. If we follow everything that we’ve been taught, there is a great chance that we will succeed in our business endeavors. We have been taught well by great teachers in the Academy.

And so I told my husband a few days back: I should have known better … If I am going through a lot now, obviously the reason is because I have not lived my life the way I should. I have not asked to Lord for guidance, for inspiration. I relied solely on my own knowledge. I have set my channel in the wrong frequency.

If I want to prosper, the Lord has given me the way to go about it. And surprisingly enough, His way is simple. If I want to be blessed abundantly, these are the things He expects from me:

• That I should read the scriptures daily, not as an obligation, but with a sincere desire to learn from those who have gone before me.

• That I should read the scriptures with my children. As their Mother, it is my sacred duty to bring them closer to God through the scriptures.

• That I should have regular personal prayer. Then I should help my husband and support him as he leads me and my children in family prayer.

• That I should help prepare and participate in Family Home Evening.

• That I pay an honest tithe.

• That I give a generous fast offering.

• That I keep the Sabbath Day Holy, no excuses, no justifications.

• That I honor the Priesthood.

• That I magnify my church callings.

• That I will strive to hold a current temple recommend and visit the temple regularly.

It is not that I did not do these things before. I did. But I did them out of obligation, because it was expected of me. I never went the extra mile.

For example, my prayers now have become private conversations with my Heavenly Father;

Now I enjoy reading the scriptures ... I look forward to reading them at night;

Now I enjoy telling my children stories from the Book of Mormon ... liken their experiences with the experiences of Nephi, Lehi, Sariah, Ammon, Alma, Helaman, Abinadi, and many others...

I know that just like those who came before us, I will be blessed if I will obey all of God’s commandments. He has given his promise; my challenge is to keep mine.

Now I know this to be true: “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. Then all these things shall be added unto you”.

I know now that I need not fear, that I can do anything, as long as the Lord is with me. I have forgotten about all these before, primarily because I began to look more into myself, rather than to God for help, guidance, and strength.

So for the last few days, I have been working on my business proposals. I have laid out the plans, made phone calls, did some inquiry, talked to my family about what I want to do in the next five years, how I want to go about it, what I want from them, and what I intend to do with them as my partners in this great and exciting undertaking.

My excitement has tripled. I can not wait to make it happen!

And the most important thing, the great difference? I'm doing it just like Nephi of old when he constructed the boat, I now rely on the Lord to help me make wise decisions. I have made him my partner ... Everything that I will do from now on, will always have him in mind. It will always be for his greater glory!

How about you? Do you know what your problems are? Do you know why up until now you still haven’t “fired” yet? Why you still have fears and doubts?

I wish you well, and I hope you will find your answers too!

The Way It Used to Be ...

Christmas then meant family dinner on the eve of December 24, before in Fortich Street, at the old Villanueva ancestral home, and lately in our house at Villanueva Street, with everybody (the Villanueva's) present, to celebrate my birthday and Christmas together.

Food was aplenty on those occasions. Usual feast included lechon (courtesy of Lolo and Lola in the earlier years) and in the succeeding years by Papa. There's always Kinilaw, Igadu, and Kare Kare cooked by Papa. We always had Mama's potato salad. Then there's dinuguan, pancit, macaroni salad, a birthday cake, more desserts from Tita Faye and Dian, something from Mommy Jul, Ate Maritess, Ate Wawing, and many more.

It was not all food however. I can remember very well how we used to wait for Lola and Lolo's white envelopes containing crisp peso bills. Fortunately for most of us, when Lolo and Lola's time came for them to spend Christmas somewhere else, Daddy Bricks and Mommy Jul took over, replacing the white envelopes with the chinese red ones, and of course, still with the crisp peso bills inside.

I fondly remember also that there was even a time much earlier on when Lola used to give us kids plenty of coins. Lolo being from PNB, and then Daddy Bricks, they seemed to always have a reservoir of shiny coins and very crispy new peso bills, much to our delight!

We used to sing together, and dance together. I even have somewhere (I'll have to look for them and have them scanned) a picture of Tito Boy, Tito Ben, Tito Dots, Mama, Mommy Jul, Tita Faye, and Tita Flor dancing with us children ... As children we were encouraged to sing, dance, recite a poem, play a musical instrument ... anything we can show and share, as our part in the Christmas celebration ... There are certain experiences though that are lonely and are difficult to ignore nor forget ... Lolo, as he grew older, and when Lola left him, avoided these Christmas gatherings, making his store as an excuse, his alibi. Tito Dots too, did this. All we could do was bring them food. Maybe it was their way of coping, and we respected their wishes. But we missed them in those gatherings.

Years continued on ... and we all grew a little older ...

The sad part started when ...

Mommy Jul left for the States, and not long afterwards, Daddy Bricks, Eric, Erwin, Justine, and Olie went too.

Lola died. and then Lolo.

Christmas forever changed for all of us. Of course, Christmases still came and went, and so did my birthdays. For most of us left in Malaybalay, life moved on.
Just today, as I pondered on the most recent Christmas, I could not help but ask ... So how are we (the Villanueva's and the Itchon's) this season? How are the Christmases now in Malaybalay? Surely, this fact is true ... we miss Lolo and Lola, Tito Boy, Tito Dots, Ate Maritess, and Nat ... We miss those who are living far away from us ...

I've decided to make an inventory of everybody ... sort of a rundown ... to see how everybody is doing ... So here it goes ...

Tito Boy's Family

Mommy Jul is now in the States.

Babus now lives in the States and is married to Noel. They are blessed with three sons. Babus is a Registered Nurse.

Lito now lives in Cagayan de Oro with Shashie, while LJay and Mikmik live with Ivan and Beboy.

Ate Wawing is happily married to Edgar. They have two kids, Big Girl and Allen.

Ivan is teaching at BSU and I heared he is a very good college instructor there!

Beboy is with Bukinon National High School while Shan Shan is working at the City Hall.

Heinz is also married and has 1 daughter, Drew Isabel. He is a nurse and is teaching at BSU College of Nursing.

Tito Ben's Family

Tito Ben has retired from DPWH. He has been to the United States to visit Daddy Bricks's family. He's now back in Malaybalay and drives his brand new Innova.
Tita Flor is a judge and is still up and about and as vibrant as ever.
Azalea, or Lea as she is now called, is a Doctor practicing her profession at the Provincial Hospital in Malaybalay City. She's married to Ronnie, an entrepreneur, and they have five bubbly children.

Althea is an Obstetrician. She's now married and loving the time she's having with her nieces and nephew.

Zabdiel is a very successful Thoracic Surgeon at the Philippine Heart Center. He's also married with kids. His wife is a Pediatrician.

Zaniah is the only lawyer amongst the siblings. She is an immigration lawyer. She's married and has kids too.

Avesta Zayin is also a Medicial Doctor. She too is married with kids.

The Itchon's

Papa and Mama has both retired from government service.
Papa is enjoying himself and has adjusted to his retirement excellently. He has served Barangay 1 for a term as a Barangay Official, and I think wants to serve some more if given the chance. These past few months he has been busy beautifying the new house they bought near the Market.

Mama is adjusting to the new lifestyle, and I think will like it even better given more time. She has been to Malaysia a few times in the past months and recently went to Cebu to visit her cousins in Talamban and Alcantara. She's also busy now helping the City government with the Reorganization.

Me, I am married to a wonderful man, Romel, and we five great children, Myco (22), Ella (18), April (15), Sarah (14), and John Romelson (10).

Myco now holds a Bachelor's Degree in Information Management from Xavier University. She is working as a freelance web developer and writer. She plans to study and get her Masters Degree abroad.
Ella is on her 3rd year taking up BS Psychology in Xavier. She loves to play the piano.

April and Sarah are both in High School at St. Mary's.
April is an excellent dancer and choreograhper while Sarah is in the School Volleyball Varsity Team and has a Yellow Belt in Taekwondo.


John Romelson is in Grade School at St. Mary's School. He has a yellow belt in Taekwondo and intends to get a black belt in the near future.

Romel is an entrepreneur. He is into logistics and forwarding. He also manages his farm in Bukidnon.

Me .... I work as part-time instructor and trainer at Xavier University's Center for Industrial Technology. I served as Assistant to the Academic Vice President of Xavier last year, an assignment I really enjoyed and loved. It was a great learning experience for me. I own MCIC Consulting, a Training and Management Consulting business.

I finished my MBA and will soon finish my Doctoral Degree in Education. I'm also Woman Entrepreneur of the Year! I was chosen on a Nationwide Search by the Academy for Creating Enterprise in Cebu City last October 2008.

I have great dreams for the future.

Charina, Edmund, and Nico are presently residing in Selangor, Malaysia.

Charina is an excellent baker, she makes super delicious Moist Chocolate Cakes and Carrot Cakes!

Edmund is with a Multinational Company and has been travelling around Asia.

Eda just got married to Soti and they now have a son named Nate.

Nicko is one bright young man with great potentials and big dreams. I hope he will work hard and smart to get them.

Carla is single and working with the LGU, in the Municipal Library.

Tito Dots' Family

Tita Faye is as beautiful as ever, just like the way I knew her when Tito Dots was still courting her. She's still working at the Courts.

Dian is currently studying to get a law degree.

CheChe is teaching in High School.

Sary just came home from her own stint in Dubai.

Dave and Tonton are doing just fine. All are enjoying being single.

Daddy Bricks'Family

Daddy Bricks, Mommy Jul, Eric, Erwin, Justine, and Oly are all doing well in the States too ...

Eric is married and has a son.

Erwin is married and has three children.
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Justine has a son and his name is Charlie. He is very adorable!

Olie is gorgeous as ever and will soon be a Mom to a baby girl.

So how are the Christmases for everybody now?

Well, Papa has been working hard at keeping the tradition alive. He invites everyone to have dinner at home. Sadly, for so many reasons, Christmas seemed to be a lot different now from what it used to be ...

Last Christmas 2008, the Villanueva's gathered at Tito Boy and Mommy Jul's house. Ivan, Beboy and Shan Shan, Ate Wawing and Edgar, Heinz and his wife gathered their kids together to celebrate. Edmund was there too!

I hope I can do something to bring back the old tradition of having a special dinner for everyone on the eve of December 24. I don't want my children to miss the wonderful feeling of having a strong family composed of Lolo's and Lola's, Aunts and Uncles, and cousins young and old.
I want them to experience belonginess and togetherness ...
I want them to have what I had when I was young ...

Who Am I?

Thinking about it, I came to realize I am defined by who I am with, by what I do, and by what I stand for ...

I am truly blessed for being Romel's wife. I hope in its truest sense I have become his best friend and his help meet! We have spent more than half our lives together ...


I am far from being perfect. Mistakes I have, too many to even account. But one thing I know for sure, I LOVE Romel more than anything and anybody in this life (not that i love my parents, my children, or my siblings less ... ). Its just that life is unimaginable without him, and what I am, what I will be, all because he is, and because he loves me!
He has always been, and will always be, the wind beneath my wings!

I am Mother to Myco, Ella, April, Sarah, and John Romelson. My greatest happiness will come from knowing that I, together with their Dad, have raised them to be God-fearing and God-loving persons.

I teach not because I am an expert in many things. I do and look upon that as a noble calling, with the prayer that in my little but sincere ways, I can show my students their God-given gifts and talents, so they will reach their greatest and fullest potentials.

I am me ... in many ways just a child in a grown woman's body. I love reading books, listen to sentimental music, watch sentimental movies ... I love to sing and dance ...

I want to make a difference ... and I know I can make that possible through the many roles I do my best to fulfill,

as wife to Romel...
as mother to my five wonderful children ...
as daughter to my parents ...
as elder sister to Charry and Carla ...
as Auntie Maricris to Eda, Nico, and Nat ...
As Mommmy to Jay, Alex, and Elaine ...
As Ma'am Tina to my SBM and CIT Students ...
As Tina to my associates in XU, in MCIC Consulting, and in the LGU of Opol ...
also in the Graduate School of Xavier University ...
I am Sister Christina to the LDS Community ...

MY NAME IS TINA!
I am just a speck in this vast Universe ...
But I am me!
and I am a significant soul ....
For I am Heavenly Father's daughter...
and in His eyes, I am Special!