What do you think will happen if you ask this question to your special someone when he/she says the three most abused words - I LOVE YOU! (ha ha ha!)!
In marriage, for it to work, couples should put forth great effort to continue applying the 5 C's - Compliment, Complement, Cooperate, Compromise, and Continuous Courtship.
Complimenting is saying something nice to another person with sincerity. Jeffrey R. Holland said each of us must exert great effort to look at the good, and not the bad, in each other... to accentuate or emphasize the good, and forgive and forget the not-so-good. Since we all make mistakes, we must be forgiving one with another.
Even in Management and Leadership it has been said that "more people develop to their fullest potential and become the best they can ever be in the spirit of acceptance and encouragement rather than in criticism and cynicism".
A good word or two never fails to put a smile in someone's face.
I have wonderful friends, Joel and Chang, who live this in their marriage, and it feels good to witness their beautiful love story ♥
Complementing each other means when you are the lock, the other is the key ... when one is grouchy and gloomy, you try to provide the sunshine...
To say you're 50-50 is not true, all the more the statement made famous by a movie which states:" You complete me"! Does this mean that when you're alone, you're only one half? Nah, that's not true! With or without another person, we will always be one complete whole!
For each of us is made complete already by a perfect Heavenly Father.
To complement means to give balance, to harmonize ... That's the true essence of marriage!
You are partners in achieving the best, in being the best.
Cooperating means a lot of things.
One, it may mean being enthusiastic about something the other partner is passionate about. This does not mean you have to "fake" liking or loving whatever it is. It simply means allowing the other partner to continue living as he/she is, respecting that uniqueness and individuality.
It means being happy for the other person, and giving support and encouragement.
In my marriage, my husband and I, we are very different from each other. Personality-wise, I am an extrovert, I can talk (and dance and sing all at the same time) for 10 hours straight (that's why people say I'm very good at my profession as a Seminar/Workshop/Training Facilitator and Teacher/Instructor). Romel on the other hand is an introvert. He prefers silence, reading books, listening to nature, being with few friends rather than many (that's why he has few but very good ones), and is very selective in the type of music he listens to (he likes James Taylor, Michael Buble ...)
Romel loves the outdoors, while I totally dislike it, although many times I compromise, especially when the kids beg me to go with them to the farm, to the beach, go hiking somewhere, or just plain road tripping with them. The heat makes me very uncomfortable; the sun destroys my skin (vain me he he he!)
He loves fast cars, and if only I would not complain so much and make so much noise while he's at it, our car would probably be speeding towards our destination. But mind you, he is a defensive driver, and a good one! But I still prefer to drive slowly ... don't want to die young and ugly ha ha ha!
Compromise.
How is this shown? As simple as helping out with house chores.
I know of men who, believing that it is the woman's duty to do ALL the household chores, just sits around and wait for the wife to attend to ALL his needs. To those who know and understand, this is not surprising anymore. This has everything to do with how each person was raised by his parents. Studies show that when father's just lounge around and wait to be served upon, there is a great tendency for his sons to adapt the same attitude, many times unconsciously.
But it is much better to improve on our lots, isn't it? Enough of the blame game. It won't lead us anywhere!
So it is my hope that if in any way this article has reached you, and you're now reading this, or someone told you about what's written here - that you'll do better, and become better, and improve your relationship with your spouse, by doing!
When a husband for example, helps the wife wash his denims, it tells the wife the husband cares, and is concerned about not tiring her so much. When a husband puts his soiled clothing in the laundry basket without being asked, or when he volunteers to take care of the kids and allows the wife to work on her blog (as I am doing right now, Thanks 'Dy!). .. or whatever it is that makes her feel relaxed and refreshed. That is the best expression of true love.
Wives, this works on a two-way street! As much as we "pray" for all these from our husbands, they too, deserve a sincere compliment or two from us. When they come home from work tired/exhausted, it would be nice if we greet them with a smile rather that a frowning face. A clean house is a welcome sight, how much more a warm, home-cooked meal ready and waiting for the head of the family.
We need to be pretty for them.
Children and house chores are no excuse for smelly, irritable partners! More than for the husband, we should do it for ourselves. Being pretty (or feeling pretty - who cares what pretty really means, as long as we feel good inside and out) makes a difference!
Little acts of kindness can go a long way.
My Dad is extra ordinary! Growing up, I saw him in the kitchen enjoying himself concocting delicious recipes! He didn't mind that he was a Police Officer ... He enjoyed cooking for us, and I am grateful for his wonderful example.
My Mom is a good cook too! But like many wives I know (me for example he he he), when our husbands invade the kitchen, we graciously give way, much to our delight ha ha ha! Let them be the Kitchen Kings, forever!
Romel too, loves to cook! When he does, the kids become excited because he is the type that experiments. The good news is, his recipes always turn out very delicious! The problem? No two "putahe" are ever the same ha ha ha!
Ah! Continuous Courtship. What does this mean?
It is said that courtship does not end at the altar of marriage. On the contrary, it is only the beginning.
Even if we're already 78 years old!
It means if you used to give her candies and flowers and chocolate before, don't stop!
Many would say that's no longer necessary. With the financial crisis everyone is experiencing ... with the stock market down (huh? DUH!) ... with the rising oil prices... the failure to implement the new minimum wage increase ... the slow growth of the GDP (ha ha ha! I'm exaggerating a bit!) the money can be used instead to buy food items, or pay bills ... What a pathetic excuse!
Romel used to give me a dozen yellow roses everyday for six months when we were still dating! That was 24 years ago. Today, he gives me yellow roses only on special occasions ... but that's alright! We agreed! Besides, I prefer food now than flowers. So what does he do to make up for the flowers? He brings me food! My Favorites! Almost everyday, when he'd come, he always bring with him my "surprise" ... my favorite cassava puto, or siopao, or banana cue ... or the violet rolled cake, or the triangle fig pie from Michael Ann's bakery...
Last night, while the kids were playing Chinese garter, he challenged me to join and jump. The reward, if I am able to successfully do it, would be spaghetti from McDo! (And it was 10 in the evening). You see, I've been craving for it for two weeks already. Of course, I failed (turned out it was too high, and I was too heavy ... my ankle's still hurting until now ... hence I had an excuse to sit and write this article without hearing any complain from anybody ... privilege given to the hurting and injured ha ha ha!) So, no spaghetti for me last night, sorry!
That was last night ... This morning was a totally different story. He came home with spaghetti, just for me!
Little acts of kindness...
I remember a line from a song...
“So wake up, and do something more, than dream of your mansions above. Doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure, a blessing of duty and love."
Love is tested through time. And the best love stories are said to be those that have gone through a lot ... In sickness or health ... in wealth or poverty...
So for those who are still starting to make their own love story...
Start it right! and start now!
Weave a beautiful tapestry of memories to last a lifetime. Experiment on the 5 C’s...
For in the end, it is not how big your house is, or what model of car you're driving, or how many times you've gone abroad, or the position you hold in your office or your bottom line if you're an entrepreneur...
It all boils down to your relationship with those that really matter to you ... your family!
I believe strongly in the saying:
The greatest work we will ever do will be within the walls of our own home! For no success can compensate for failure in the home."
tina091109
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